Sunday, September 30, 2012

I'm a 10

Once upon a time, I had the inspiration to write this post.  It was full of spirit and spunk and encouragement and heart.  It would have changed your life, or at least your day, or maybe just the few moments it took to read it, for the better.

I'm betting it would have made me better right now...if I'd written it then.  But I didn't.  I assumed that the feeling would last a little longer, a few more days, long enough that I could do that piece of writing "later."  Apparently, I was wrong.  Alas, the feeling is gone, but the pictures I took in preparation for the writing won't let me just let the post

I got married recently, you know?  I also changed jobs and moved out of state.  I was the thinnest I've ever been in my life when I walked down the aisle in white.  Besides the crushing weight of stress and pressure as my entire world changed all at once, I felt beautiful and happy.

We're coming up on our One Year Anniversary, and I have gone up two, two TWO dress sizes.  Which, because of the way our American Female Sizing System works, really means I've gone up FOUR WHOLE NUMBERS.  I've almost doubled in size, according to our stupid labeling system.

Stupid system.

What do you do when you feel ugly and jiggly?  I'll tell you what I did.  I did not work out.  I did not eat.  A few days ago, I went clothes shopping.

I know, horrors...this is not what I would have done a few years ago.  I would have wanted to "wait until I lose these extra pounds and get back to my normal size" and then alternately starve and gorge, workout like a maniac and lounge like Homer Simpson because what difference does it really make? But you know what?  I've been feeding my mind and spirit as well as my midsection this last year.  I've been reading (in)courage and Chatting at the Sky and A Planting of the Lord and We Are THAT Family, and I've really been listening (I hope).  I don't know if it just happens to be what God is teaching all of these bloggers this year or if I'm only hearing what God is teaching me through them...but what I keep hearing is "Let Go."

In college, I was a theater major.  ALL of my professors wrote in my evaluations (mid- and end-of-year) that what I really needed most was to learn to Let Go.  "What does that mean?" I asked.  They just looked at me.  Infuriating.

I'm a little older now than I was then, and I've begun to read the "right" sort of books, so to speak, and I'll tell you what I'm learning.  When I Let Go, it doesn't mean that I embrace failure or take it for granted, as I once thought.  I'm actually still struggling with it, as evidenced by my grey mood today.  But what it does mean is that I don't let the bad spoil the good, and that I hold all things apart and take each to the Lord.  So if my house is a mess, my marriage is not necessarily a mess, and I can pray about both.  If I feel lazy right now, that doesn't mean the next hour is doomed.  And if my butt is huge, well...some butts are huge.  It doesn't mean I can't still look and feel beautiful and happy.  It really doesn't.  And obviously, sometimes it gets to me, and the lie gets believed...but again, that doesn't mean tomorrow is doomed.  There's a swing to it.  And I am not the master of it.  I'm not sure I have to be...but I do have to know the real Master if I'm to maintain my sanity.  And my happiness.

And so, since we all like a good fashion show, here's me! In my Big Ten outfits!  And, ironically, my first pair of skinny jeans!  (Incidentally, and just by the way, watching the TV showWhat Not to Wear has helped immensely in the whole shopping-for-clothes department.  I recommend it.)
 Add a few accessories?
Thanks for reading, y'all!

This post is dedicated to my beautiful cameraman.  Dave, you are so patient and gracious.  And tolerant.
Thank you for all you do.


  1. Dad says you look beautiful and he loves the way you're thinking. Indeed, there is an evident inner beauty within you, as well as outer. The one is taking more and more root and shows in your face. We/I am so proud of you and love you.
    And David, you look pretty great, too!
    D & M

  2. Cute! Love the new clothes.

  3. You are a 10! Love the clothes... also love Dave's new haircut!


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