Saturday, August 3, 2013


This is what I'm learning/re-learning this week. 
Can you tell what else I've been doing online recently?  Geesh, those ad bars are like giant tattle tales.
 It's called instrument flight rules, or IFR.  Nothing earth shattering.  It isn't even all that hard, if you can remember a couple of key principles pretty consistently.  And if you know how to fly the aircraft already.

And here's the other thing I'm learning/re-learning this week: ugly is as ugly does - and you wanna know who's been cracking mirrors lately?

So I'm already having trouble as I write this...I keep wanting to get into the guts of (read: "assign blame for") why I'm being so spikey, but I don't think I'm getting anywhere with it.  You know?  Like I keep wanting to justify the spikes and snarls I feel seething through every breath I take.  But I know it doesn't work.  The answer is not "out there;" it isn't the simulator, it isn't the instructor, it isn't even the guy who is slated to be my training partner for the next month (let's just say I'm not the only ugly one around here).

And anyway, regardless of precisely what percentage of blame one could assign to each of those elements of the training environment, the fact remains: whatever the cause, the effect is
...not pretty.

Let me dream for a moment.  I want to see what sort of person I would rather be in this situation where I currently recognize a frightening Me-shaped-grizzly-on-the-prowl (I think I actually frightened a little girl this evening just by walking into the room).

Admittedly, I suck at this simulator we're using (which is a 412 simulator, not even the aircraft I'm supposed to be flying - see?  there I go again).  But I'm used to being good at things.  So if I'm blessed with being good at lots of things, and then I find I totally suck at something...wouldn't it be amazing if I were patient, good-humored, and optimistic at both the beginning and end of every session?  Wouldn't such a person knock your socks off, regardless of how technically proficient they were (or weren't)?  Wouldn't you wonder where such a person found such joy and confidence (since it obviously doesn't come from personal pride in ability)?

When my training partner is ugly to me, wouldn't it be lovely if I gently and non-defensively responded with sincerity?  Lovely to see, I imagine.  This last one actually sounds like picking up a porcupine to nuzzle with your cheek...erm, maybe a bad idea...?

But still...anything, anything would be better than the reflection I'm seeing today.  I want to look better in the flight simulator.  But more than that...I want to BE better.  Ugh.  And I know Who I need to talk to about that.

Also, I have a cold.  So, there's that, too.


  1. Ugh, I'm fighting a cold, I hear you on that one.
    I was just thinking yesterday that I wondered what you were jumping into learning. But I'm sure that only one week at home didn't help things. Along with all you gave up to start learning in this particular section with these particular people.
    He wrote your story very differently than you had hoped. It's "in the moment" that is so darned hard!
    We love you.

  2. Thanks for posting, Heidi! I can so relate. Also, I gave Mom her cold :(. I hope you get over the cold quickly. Peter Hiett says we don't exactly thank God for our sin but for creating a space and time that we can see our need for him (through our sin/the law). Sounds like he should add mirrors to the list of things to be thankful for :)


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